I remember a group lunch with several moms from school where we took a break from mothering, drank a bit of wine, and (mostly) talked over each other. One mom shared and “adorable” video of three 3 year olds arguing, one boy and two girls. The little boy held back from using physical touching while one of the two little girls, feeling “empowered” poked the little boy, twice, and he succumbed to tears.
As the video was passed around, the majority laughed and loved it. Then I saw it. I pointed out that we are laughing because the girl poked the boy and not the other way around. I added that I am not a fan of the double standard held to boys only and that the video was an example of girl bullying and as a mother of girls, I see it all the time and feel like I am one of the few mothers that corrects it when I see it. I was not invited back.
When we are small, boys and girls are fairly equal in physical power but as we mature, girl bullying becomes talking instead of poking. Girl bullying most effective is reputation destruction.
As we women took found our “freedom” to take our place in the workplace, in leadership, and in the family structure, our physical power did not also increase.
Thus, I believe, our natural tendency towards feminine bullying is still our go-to defense. I also believe it is playing out in horrible ugliness in social media, boardrooms and HR departments all over the country and our cultural mentality to protect women and the vulnerable is having a profoundly bad effect on our country.
Bad behavior should not be overlooked or excused or laughed at – just because of the sex, race or inborn attributes of the actor.
